


SGA: The Movie

by Brumeier



Series: Bite Sized Fic [45]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Reality, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Prompt Fill, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 20:12:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6298606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LJ Comment Fic for Free For All prompt: <i>Stargate Atlantis, Team Sheppard + any. The team steps through the gate...and onto the set of Stargate: Atlantis.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	SGA: The Movie

“I don’t see why I need to go,” Rodney complained.

“We were invited,” Teyla explained. Again. “The Nagan wish to thank us for the help we provided them.”

“They’ll have food,” Ronon rumbled. He clapped Rodney on the back, hard enough to make him stumble. “You like food.”

“It’s a waste of personnel and resources,” Rodney insisted stubbornly.

“Suck it up, McKay,” John said. He gave Rodney a look meant to convey his authority, and Rodney’s need to toe the line and stop whining. Judging from the flush that spread across Rodney’s cheeks, and the way he immediately averted his gaze, it was possible John accidentally conveyed something completely different. Maybe they needed to stop having sex the night before a mission.

He gave Chuck the high sign, and waited while the address was dialed. John needed to switch gears and get into Mission Leader mode. Regardless of how friendly and thankful the Nagan were, he’d have to stay vigilant. Circumstances in Pegasus could turn on a dime, and he wasn’t fond of surprises.

The wormhole _whoosed_ into existence. 

“Let’s go,” John said.

“Better be good food,” Rodney grumbled.

John stepped through the Gate. That tugging, stomach-dropping sensation never got old. No matter how often John entered the event horizon it was always like the very first time, filling him with exhilaration and a little fear. 

Something went wrong this time.

Instead of stepping out smoothly on M33-UT4, there was an electrical crackling and John was propelled forward. He ended up pinned under Rodney, who was sprawled on John’s chest and cursing.

“Get off!” John pushed, but Rodney wouldn’t be moved.

“Cut!” someone yelled. “Mike! What the hell happened?”

Ronon yanked Rodney into an upright position and John rolled to his feet, bringing his P-90 up against the unknown threat. He wasn’t expecting to see what looked like a movie studio, complete with cameras, boom mikes, and an incomplete section of the Atlantis Gate room.

“Nice enthusiasm, Joe,” a man said as he walked past, texting on a cell phone.

“What is this place?” Teyla asked. She’d positioned herself in a defensive pose, one Ronon mimicked behind her, energy pistol in his hand.

“This is new,” Rodney said.

John lowered his weapon. “This looks like Earth.”

“And also like home,” Teyla said.

A man came towards them, headphones hanging around his neck and a tablet in his hand. “Joe, can I have a minute?”

John and Rodney exchanged a look, and Rodney shrugged. “I think that’s you.”

“In the next scene, you have Sheppard taking one of the Marines to task for teasing McKay with a lemon.”

“What?” Rodney squawked, but the guy didn’t even look in his direction.

“Well,” John said tentatively. “He’s allergic.”

“Right, yes. But it might come off a little too much like fan service, if you take into account the ep where you gave Mitchell the lemon.”

“Hey! I almost forgot about that!” Rodney glared at John. “That was a dick move.”

It was, John had to agree, and it was something he’d always regretted. But how did the guy with the tablet know about that?

“Fan service?” he asked.

“Look, all I’m saying is that it’s a very obvious turn-around. I just want to make sure it’s in keeping with Sheppard’s character.”

“Eric!” A heavyset woman called out, and the guy with the tablet turned to look at her. “Save it for later. We need to reset.”

Eric sighed and tapped at his tablet as he walked away.

John looked at his team. “I think they’re making a movie about us.”

“Alternate universe!” Rodney snapped his fingers. “Somehow we got re-routed to a universe where…what? We’re all just characters?”

A woman who couldn’t be more than five foot tall started buzzing around them, fiddling with their uniforms and their hair. She was wearing a photo ID on a lanyard that gave her name as Amber.

“Get down here,” she snapped at Ronon, tugging on the front of his shirt until he bent down. He’s already holstered his gun, and looked entirely too amused for John’s liking. “The wig is looking good today. Did you do something different with it?”

“Wig?”

“Never mind. Just don’t touch it. We don’t have time to send you back to the makeup trailer.”

Ronon touched his dreadlocks protectively. Amber patted some kind of makeup on Teyla’s forehead, and pulled a comb from her back pocket which she used to smooth down Rodney’s hair. John took a step back when she headed his way, and she just rolled her eyes and left.

“Mike? You all set?” 

“Ready!”

“Everyone on their marks.”

There was a flurry of movement around them.

“I think we’re supposed to do a scene,” Rodney said. “Whatever our actor counterparts were doing when we switched places. You know, when I was in high school –”

“Sears Drama award, yeah, I remember.” John looked at the Gate behind them. It seemed real enough, even though he knew it had to be as fake as the bits of Atlantis around it.

“Do you think the alternate versions of ourselves are with the Nagan?” Teyla asked.

“The other me wears a wig.” Ronon looked disgusted.

“It’s only logical,” Rodney said. “Otherwise they’d be here, too.”

“Hey!” the heavyset woman shouted. “Can we get going on this, guys? David, less chatter and more action, please.”

“I think that’s you,” John said with a smirk.

Rodney grabbed John by the front of his tac vest and dragged him behind the Gate. Which, yes, was just bare fiberglass on the backside. 

“We were going through the Gate when this happened. So this is where we should probably be.”

John shook his head. “We can’t do a scene, Rodney. You may have been a star in high school, but none of us are actors.”

“I wrote a play once,” Ronon said.

“Not the time, big guy,” John replied.

“And action!” the woman called out. “Cue the hologram!”

The fake Gate filled with a shimmering representation of a wormhole. Rodney whistled.

“That’s nice work. I was expecting green screen.”

“Cue the actors, for the love of God!”

“And we’re acting.” John stepped through the hologram, just like he’d step through the real event horizon, and had a fraction of a second to be surprised when he felt that familiar tugging. The next thing he knew he was stumbling out of the Gate and onto M33-UT4.

“We have returned,” Teyla said unnecessarily. She looked relieved.

“What about our alternates?” Ronon asked. He scanned the area, but there wasn’t much to see. The Nagan village was a mile or so away, behind a hill, and if the alternates were still there they were staying out of sight.

“How did that happen?” John asked Rodney.

“How should I know? Magic?” Rodney shrugged. “It shouldn’t have happened. They didn’t even have a real Gate. Maybe the Ascended assholes are bored, and they’re messing with us.”

“Rodney.” Teyla favored him with a disapproving frown.

“Oh, please. You know what a bunch of jerks they are.”

“What now?” Ronon asked. “Do we go home?”

Everyone looked at Teyla, who shook her head. “No. We do not want to negatively affect our alliance with the Nagan. But perhaps we can cut it short.”

“Agreed,” John said. “Let’s move out.”

They struck out in the direction of the settlement. John knew Rodney would eventually figure out what happened, he always did. In the meantime they could only speculate. John wasn’t looking forward to the mission write-up.

“I bet I was the star,” Rodney said.

“I’m sure you were,” John agreed. He thought maybe the experience wouldn’t be a total loss. Perhaps there’d be some role-playing in his near future, a director’s couch scenario maybe. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Rodney gave him a speculative look. “Oh, yeah, we will.”


End file.
